Films

How to Survive Horror films

The horror genre has brought us some terrifying characters and who hasn’t had a Halloween night of watching horror films with their mates trying to see who is scared first. After watching plenty of these films I have put together a do and do not list for each of these killers and what you need to know to survive.

Jason

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Jason Voorhees is the main antagonist from the Friday the 13th series. Most of the time he is killing people at an old summer camp, an old creepy looking summer camp, so there are warning signs right as you’re going there. He also prefers attacking on Friday the 13th though not limited to it, he is silent,nearly invulnerable and super strong. The trick to surviving this killer is keeping it in your pants, he seems to kill the horny ones but he usually does not stop there so avoid weird summer camps, having sex and just use your common sense.

Michael Myers

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The villain of all the Halloween films, except number 3, this one is another unstoppable silent killer. The difference between him and Jason is that he prefers to attack on Halloween and focuses on attacking his blood relatives instead of horny teens. My basic plan to escape this maniac is to get a bunker with one room and a toilet loaded with food and DVDs then i’d lock myself in this bunker from October 20th and only come out at November 6th. Yes this is a total dick move on my friends and family but in end I really don’t wanna be chopped up.

Leatherface

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This is the one that truly scared me as a child, I was too young when I first saw the film. My parents told me not to stay up and watch it, it was a big mistake and I won’t be doing that again. Leatherface is pretty terrifying mostly because unlike our previous two entries he is all too human and he will kill you in a slow way before eating you. It’s totally not cool but that’s just how the big guy rules. The trick here is avoid rural Texas, though Texas is a lovely place but DO NOT WALK INTO RANDOM PEOPLE’S HOUSES, this is what usually gets people killed by Leatherface. It’s usually moronic teens walking into super creepy places that they shouldn’t go into on a regular basis. Although he may not be that intelligence so outsmarting him is an option but be careful of his family.

Freddy Krueger

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Freddy is a vengeful ghost that attacks his victims in their dreams, which meansĀ there is only three options with Freddy;

Polyphasic Sleeping which is the practice of sleeping multiple times in a 24-hour period, this way you avoid the REM level of sleep and also get more work done, as you will be sleeping less so in this case Freddy is kinda helping you.

Traditional ghost wards – Freddy is a ghost so use traditional methods to fight him, he draws his powers from people’s belief in him so it stands to reason that your belief in other objects would negate him.

My first two options where to run and defend, however for option three I have a different idea.

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It’s your mind he is in so use your mind to fight him off, that’s what is usually done and when done right it stops him. Basically become self aware and remember there is no spoon.

Ghost Face

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This one is pretty simple, as they are the most human on the list. If they are coming for you your only true option is to try and turn the tide on them. They carry knives not chainsaws and they lack any special powers, all they have is the element of surprise and a lot of advanced planning. To fight back you will need some training in martial arts and a concealed weapon, you could easily turn the tide on this one except they do usually work in pairs. To truly avoid them just delete everyone out of your life and be an antisocial hermit who annoys know one, if all else fails just run as this has worked a few times.

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In the end try and be a decent person, don’t piss anyone off, don’t do anything stupid, don’t have sex, arm yourself and get some slow friends that you can outrun if needed .

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