TV

Celebrating the 20th anniversary of Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Our 20 Favourite Spike Quotes

It’s been 20 years since Buffy the Vampire Slayer first aired and the anniversary has us feeling a tad nostalgic. To mark the occasion, we’re releasing a series of articles focusing on all things Buffy. Most recently, we listed our favourite 20 speeches given throughout the series, which you can read here. While researching for that article, we realised something; Spike is the most quotable character of the series. King of the snappy one-liners, he gave us something to laugh at in a show that went to some seriously dark places (season 6, I’m looking at you). Whether he was throwing shade at the Scooby gang, whining about his misfortunes in a bath tub, or simply raving about his favourite TV show “Passions”; Spike delivered some seriously hilarious dialogue. In recognition, we decided to share our top 20 Spike quotes.

1.Season 4 Episode 8: Pangs

I’m saying that Spike had a little trip to the vet, and now he doesn’t chase the other puppies anymore.

2.Season 5 Episode 1: Buffy vs. Dracula

Dracula? Poncy bugger owes me £11, for one thing.

3.Season 2 Episode 22: Becoming Part 2

We like to talk big, vampires do. “I’m going to destroy the world.” It’s just tough guy talk. Struttin’ around with your friends over a pint of blood. The truth is, I like this world. You’ve got… dog racing, Manchester United, and you’ve got people. Billions of people walking around like Happy Meals with legs. It’s all right here. But then someone comes along with a vision. With a real… passion for destruction. Angel could pull it off. Goodbye, Piccadilly. Farewell, Leicester bloody Square.

4.Season 4 Episode 7: The Initiative

I always worried what would happen when that bitch got some funding.

5. Season 6 Episode 8: Tabula Rasa

Randy Giles? Why not just call me Horny Giles or Desperate-For-A-Shag Giles? I knew there was a reason I hated you.

6.Season 3 Episode 8: Lover’s Walk

You’re not friends. You’ll never be friends. You’ll be in love till it kills you both. You’ll fight and you’ll shag and you’ll hate each other till it makes you quiver, but you’ll never be friends. Love isn’t brains, children, it’s blood. Blood screaming inside you to work its will. I may be love’s bitch, but at least I’m man enough to admit it.

7.Season 5 Episode 18: Intervention

I just had no idea that Gods were such prancing lightweights. Mark my words: the Slayer is going to kick your skanky, lopsided ass back to whatever place would take a cheap, whorish, fashion-victim, ex-God like you.

8.Season 4 Episode 3: The Harsh Light of Day

I love syphilis more than you.

9.Season 6 Episode 1: Bargaining Part 1

Oh, poor Watcher. Did your life pass before your eyes? Cuppa tea, cuppa tea, almost got shagged, cuppa tea.

10.Season 7 Episode 20: Touched

Well I don’t want to be this good looking and athletic. We all have crosses to bear.

11.Season 4 Episode 9: Something Blue

This is the crack team that foils my every plan? I am deeply shamed.

12.Season 5 Episode 5: No Place Like Home

After being asked to explain his presence in five words or less] Out. For. A. Walk……Bitch.

13.Season 2 Episode 14: Innocence

Now, I know you haven’t been in the game for a while, mate, but we still do kill people. Sort of our raison d’etre, you know.

14.Season 7 Episode 22: Chosen

So, where’s tall, dark and forehead?

15.Season 4 Episode 15: This Year’s Girl

Tell you what I’ll do, then. I’ll head out, find this girl, tell her exactly where all of you are, and then watch as she kills you. Can any one of your damn little Scooby club at least try to remember that I HATE you all? Just because I can’t do the damage myself doesn’t stop me from aiming a loose cannon your way. And here I thought the evening would be dull.

16.Season 2 Episode 3: School Hard

You were there? Oh, please. If every vampire who said he was at the crucifixion was actually there, it would’ve been like Woodstock.

17.Season 3 Episode 8: Lover’s Walk

She wouldn’t even kill me. She just left. She didn’t even care enough to cut off my head, or set me on fire. I mean, is that too much to ask? You know? Some little sign that she cared?

18.Season 7 Episode 22: Chosen

Gotta move, lamb. Think it’s fair to say, school’s out for bloody summer.

19.Season 4 Episode 9: Something Blue

[chained to Giles’ bath] Passions is on! Timmy’s down the bloody well, and if you make me miss it, I’ll…

20.Season 5 Episode 11: Triangle

Yeah, I could do that, but I’m paralyzed with not caring very much.

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